Here We Are Again...

I just read my New Year's post from last January.  Yep, not much has changed.  2013 was absolutely NOT what I had hoped it would be.  Not at all.  And it ended badly.  I honestly do not ever want to repeat the last two years of my life, they have been about the worst I have ever had. This is not to say there haven't been good moments, there have. Many of them.  And the highlight of my life is the Small One.  I would relive the past two years if necessary for her, I would.  But, I hope I don't have to.  When I look back at these years, I'm afraid what I am going to remember is the unhappy unraveling of my life and hopes.  So, here I am, at the beginning of 2014, newly single, in a different place physically and mentally.  I lost a lot of things this past year, my marriage, my house, my WAHM status, my confidence, my hope, my motivation...   I hope to regain at least the last three.  I'd love to regain my WAHM status, but I'm afraid that will never happen again. I enjoyed it while I had it, though, and I was blessed to be a WAHM when it was most important.

The Small Daughter and I have a new apartment.  We chose it together and it is lovely.  It's very old and very similar in style to the house we left behind.  But, it is less than half the size.  And there is no studio.  Let me tell you how hard it is to fit stuff from a 2200 sf house into a 1000 sf apartment.  NOT EASY.  I've had to get rid of so much stuff, which is likely good for me, but still hard.  And I should get rid of a great deal more, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it yet.

We didn't move very far away, she is still close to her school and to her dad.  It still makes for a hell of a commute for me and a very long day, but it is worth it so that she doesn't have to switch schools and so my mom can still look after her in the afternoons.  What a blessing that is.

Anyway, I am sincerely hoping and praying that this year will be better.  That I will find time to do things for myself and for The Small One, things that will bring us happiness.  My big hope at the moment is that I will be able to take her to England in a couple of months.  I need to go.  I mean, I REALLY need to go.  I need a recharge and I think that will help, though I don't think it will be easy to come home after being there.  I'd move to England for a year or two, if I could.

Wish me luck, I can't really afford the trip, but I think it is something that needs to happen, so I will have to find a way.  If I can get the time off work...