Now, to be sure, as my dear friend reminds me regularly, I'm not fat. And I need to learn to be content with the body I have. That being said, I'm not content. I was a thin girl most of my life, even skinny at some points, so being...not skinny...is a bit difficult for me. And, you know, I made a human, which takes a toll on one's body. I will never be as thin and fit as I was when I was, say, 25..
I'm the absurdly thin girl in the glasses. This was, of course, 13 years ago. My metabolism was still high and I was much more healthy eater. Not to mention the fact that I got regular exercise. I don't do that so much anymore, my life seems to have gotten in the way, a bit.
Add to that the fact that I just scheduled a photo shoot with an amazing photographer, well, there's some more incentive for me. I want to be fabulous.
I know, it's silly. I've fallen prey to the stupidity that is pop culture. Why should I be concerned about it? I'm not really that fat. I qualify as chubby. But, my girl loves me, chubby or otherwise. So do my friends. In fact, they don't even see it. If I were to show my dearest friend a picture of me today, I doubt they would even notice the chub. What they'd notice is what they love about me. I feel the same way when I see a picture of my friends. I see what I love. I see how beautiful they are. Or how fun, or how delightful. I see how they love their children or what they are doing. But, no, I don't tend to see that about myself. I think many of us are like that. Too many fashion magazines. Too much pounding into our skulls how we aren't thin enough or pretty enough. And yep, I caved.
But, don't worry. I won't go too far. I don't want to look like that girl up there. I was that skinny in my 20's and it was part of who I was. I'm not that skinny any more, and it would take WAY more effort than I am interested in investing to look like that again. I have more important things to do that be skinny. But, you know, I would like to not squish over my jeans when I sit down. I would like to be thin enough so that my dear sweet, honest girlie can't tell me that I look like I'm pregnant. Will it happen? I don't know? It's either that or become ok with the body I live it. They both seem difficult to obtain.
My end goal is to weigh what I did before I got pregnant. I think part of my problem is looking at that end goal and seeing just how far away it is. And, it's far enough. 20 lbs away, if you want to know. So, I've decided to take it in 2 week bites. I can do anything for 2 weeks. So, 2 weeks from now, I hope to be 5 lbs lighter. We'll see what I feel like doing for the 2 weeks after that when we get there.
Wish me luck. It means no more brie and olives for dinner for the next two weeks. No crab and goat cheese ravioli. It also means watching my too skinny daughter eat up creamy, gorgeous delicious foods in an attempt to fatten her back up, while not having any myself. It may kill me.