Sunday, March 1, 2015

Bootstraps

I cannot handle it anymore, so here I go, ranting on my blog.  If you aren't interested in my soap box, stop reading now and go look at pictures of kittens.

Today, I am rather disgusted with my fellow Mormons.  Now, I think that most Mormons maybe don't think like this, but since most of them don't want to get involved and want to stay silent, I'm honestly not sure what to conclude.  I am hoping that it is simply the case of a vocal minority, though I wish more people would speak up if they don't agree, because allowing the vocal minority to be the loudest makes us look BAD.  Does it matter what the rest of the world thinks of us?  Well, yes, it does!  Why?  Because part of what we believe to be our calling and responsibility on this earth is to bring souls to God.  Hard to bring souls to God when we look like a hateful, small minded bunch of bigots.

Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm not advocating the "so open minded your brain falls out" mentality either.  What I am talking about is the most basic tenets of the Gospel, which seem to have gotten lost in our bid to out-righteous one another.  In a FB thread, I was told, multiple times by multiple people that I did not understand the doctrines of the Gospel in any way and that I was on my way to apostasy if I hadn't already arrived there.  Why?  Because I advocated less vitriol and hate and more kindness toward Kate Kelly and those who support her, as well as others with differing opinions about issues.
In case you want to know what some of the vitriol was...
-Good riddance
-The Church is much better off without her
-She's probably a lesbian
-Why does she even want to be a member?
-She has so many similarities to Lucifer
-I hope she disappears, I'm sick of her.
-Tara, the fact that you think women might ever have the Priesthood shows how little you understand the Gospel or Heavenly Father. (This is after I said I thought God would be the one to decide if women are ordained in the future)
-Women who ask about having the Priesthood are greedy and should be happy with what they have.
-I don't need to read what these women have said because I already know they are all apostates.
-Kate Kelly and her ilk are arrogant and juvenile.
-when my daughters detail how people like Kate have lost their way, well, it makes this daddy very proud.
-When I mentioned (after some snark on my part) that if this was a test of how Christlike we are, I thought we had failed, and I apologized for being snarky, due to the rude remarks slinging back and forth, this was the response.
"May we all be as humble as you, Diane and Dan.  Stellar folks you are, preaching philosophies of men mingled with scripture.  Isn't that what Kate Kelly does?  Yep, you need to learn doctrine."

Now, I inquired which doctrine I was misunderstanding in my apology and my desire to be more Christlike, love one another and all that, but he never answered me directly about it.  He simply said that many people had tried to show Kate love and she didn't show any in return, so basically, because she didn't, he doesn't need to.  Towards anyone.

It went on and on and on.  I finally withdrew because it was making me disgusted with my own people (he wasn't alone in his opinions).

In addition to this thread, I read another one on the Healthy Utah bill and what people thought of it. The general consensus was that health care is NOT a right, it's a privilege.  If you can't earn enough to pay for that privilege, that's your own fault.  You should get a job with benefits.  Can't find a job with benefits?  Well, that's also your fault, you should have gotten an education so you could qualify for a better life.  Couldn't pay for an education?  Your fault.  I did it, so you could have as well. (Never mind the rampant privilege oozing out of a statement like that.)

Can't afford insurance?  You should work more hours so you can.  Oh?  You have children and can't work more hours because you need to be home with them?  Well, that's a sacrifice you will have to make if you want insurance.    Can't afford daycare for them because you don't make enough and the gov't aid has been cut?  You shouldn't have spread your legs if you couldn't afford to care for your own kids.  (This coming from members of the LDS Church, which, I would like to point out, counsels it's members NOT to wait until they are financially secure before they have children.)

There's also the birth control shouldn't be covered by insurance or gov't aid bit.  I shouldn't have to pay for you to sleep around.  Don't want to get pregnant?  Don't have sex.  No, we do not want comprehensive sex education, even though it is proven to reduce teen pregnancy.  I don't want my children learning about CONDOMS or TEH GAYZ.  It might make them go gay or think sex is ok.
And no, abortions should never, ever, ever be allowed because BABIES.  But, while we are on the subject of babies, no I don't want my tax dollars going to gov't aid programs for you people who don't want to get off your lazy butts and earn enough money to provide food, clothing and housing for those babies you had because you didn't use birth control (that you can't afford) or didn't refrain from sex (which you should do even if you are married).  I will make sure that baby gets born, even if it is only a zygote right now, but once it is born, you need to take care of it.  No safe and affordable daycare in your area? You should move to a nicer area.

Besides, there are enough infertile couples who will want to adopt your sweet new baby that you don't want because you are an evil, lazy welfare queen.  Unless that baby isn't white.  Or has special needs.  Or stays in the foster system for so long that it is no longer a baby, because I don't want to raise your older child who now has attachment disorder due to being shuffled from house to house because you were to poor to keep her.

Oh, and yes, please use tens of thousands of my tax dollars to do drug tests on women who apply for food stamps, because I do not want my money going to provide food for the children of those kind of people.  The children of drug addicts do not deserve to eat, apparently.  Forget about the fact that the tens of thousands of dollars spent on those drug tests only saved $3600 in food stamps, it's totally worth it to keep their children from eating.  If she can't feed her children because she is a drug addict, that is not my problem.  If she wants her kids to eat, she shouldn't do drugs.  She does drugs, so her kids just have to suffer.

BUT, those same kids should really be able to pull themselves out of the cycle of oppressive poverty because, reasons.  Doesn't matter that they don't have the same privileges that I have.  I know this one guy who grew up like that and he succeeded, so obviously, anyone can..

I could go on.  No, I am not advocating against personal responsibility.  Not in any way.  I think we should be personally responsible and I do my damnedest to be just that.  But, I also recognize my privilege.  I am an educated white woman with a good skill, surrounded by family and friends who can help me.  I only have one child, so it is infinitely easier to afford things on my small income.  I was also taught how to manage money very well, a privilege not everyone is blessed with.

I was lucky enough, while pregnant, to be married to someone who could earn a living and had insurance, so when things went bad during my pregnancy and I could no longer work, I still had a roof over my head and insurance to pay what were sure to be large hospital bills.  I shudder to think how things might have gone were we reliant on my income and benefits, since I lost them.

I was lucky enough to have insurance when my delivery went wrong and I nearly died, but didn't thanks to blood transfusions and a lot of IV meds.  I was lucky enough that my insurance covered the medical bills, because there is no way I could have paid them off without it.  Did I deserve to nearly die?  Well, I could have avoided it had I kept my legs closed and not gotten pregnant.

I was lucky enough to have insurance and a skill that allowed me to work from home on my own schedule when my daughter got meningitis and was hospitalized for a week and nearly died.  I didn't leave the hospital because I was terrified she would die if I did.  I had the privilege (unearned, I might add) of being able to stay with her until she recovered.

My grand point is this.  It is all well and good to pull yourself up by your bootstraps.  To a certain extent I have done this.  But, you can't do it if you haven't got the straps, much less the boots to begin with.

As a Mormon and a Christian, I firmly believe it is my GOD GIVEN DUTY to do what I can to help provide those boots, those straps and a way to learn how to pull, whether in life or as a member of the Church who struggles.  "As I have loved you, love one another"   It seems that many of my fellows disagree with me.  Get your own damn boots.





3 comments:

Ben - said...

You're not alone in feeling that way, Tara. You have such a kind and sensitive heart, and I think so many people on those threads miss it, which makes me sad. It also means that they end up brutalizing someone gentle whom I consider a good friend, which makes me want to kick their necks off. :)

Something that's given me some small measure of comfort is an idea that another of my good friends once shared with me. That's the notion that anger isn't a primary emotion; it's secondary. It comes out of pain, fear and shame that's left unprocessed. The more vitriol someone spews, the more I can be sure that they're afraid, in pain and/or filled with shame. Doesn't excuse the behavior, but it does help me to understand the person.

I don't know if that will help you at all with your internet trolls, but it was a concept that resonated with me, so I thought I'd share. :) You're awesome!

Tracie Nelson said...

I understand where you are coming from. I was raised a Southern Baptist, so I understand a little bit on why you feel this way. We are told to wait till marriage to have sex and have children, but also refrain from using birth control. I am a single mother like you, and lucky enough to have a full time job with insurance. Granted, it's not the job I want, but it's something that pays the bills and I am able to use the insurance to pay on any medical issues that my daughter or I may have. All I can say is just pray for the leaders of your church and others that share your beliefs. We can't make everyone happy, but at least we can put it in God's hands to let Him control the situation.

Tracie

born in carbondale said...

You are one peach of a human being, Tara. Bravo for this, and for you.
Constance, aka clepro on Rav