To Do or Not To Do...

That is the question. I am quitting my job. Did I mention that already? Since making the decision, I have been beset by anxiety. This is somewhat normal as I am often beset with anxiety. The issue at hand, however, has created an additional bit of anxiety. Why? Well, because, after losing his job last October, The Man of the House has been without a steady, guaranteed paycheck, whilst I have had both steady and guaranteed. This is not to say that he hasn't been earning a living, he has, doing various and sundry jobs here and there. But, it is neither guaranteed nor steady.

However, things being what they are at the workplace (see previous blog discussing some issues) I have come to the conclusion, with the full support of The Man of the House, that it is no longer in my best interest to work there. Hence the anxiety. Don't get me wrong, I am not worried about it being the right decision, I am quite sure it is. But I stress about money. Blame it on my childhood. I also dislike change. I like to get into my happy little rut and stay there. Well, except sometimes I stress about being in a rut. See? I can't win.

Anyway, so alternate plans for earning money are being explored. I think, even if I didn't need/want the extra cash, I would still feel impelled to do some work for a couple of reasons. One, it is ingrained in me that one should earn one's living. (Not that I wouldn't be doing so by being a SAHM). Two, there has to be more than one outlet for my creativity. I can't just knit, you know. I have to make wedding gowns. I simply cannot...not.

Here is the alternate plan, tell me what you think. I intend to open an internet shop (so very much less expensive than actual storefront) for wedding gowns. I will start out with just a few styles and as (or if?) they sell, then I will add to the line. Once I have enough money in the company, I will hire a manufacturer. Until then, I will be the manufacturer. But, here is the thing. I want to do clothing as well. I see all these cute, boutiquey websites with their cute clothing and I think, I could do that. In fact, I could probably do it better. Hubris? Perhaps. But no sense in hiding my talent under a bushel, right? I am good at what I do. Even if that makes me a prima donna.

I am going to LA in a couple of weeks to buy fabric to make samples. I am nervous, what if they don't sell? What if no one likes my stuff? Do I really have what it takes to run a small business? Do I want to have what it takes to run a small business?

I think my employer would be unhappy to know just how much I learned about running a wedding dress business whilst working there. But, I have. Certainly, a great deal about what NOT to do, but also just being involved in the whole design, manufacture, sales process has been awesome. Which is why I am not remotely sorry I took the job to begin with. Yes, it was very hard to spend so much time away from The Small One, yes, my ego has taken a bit of a beating and yes, the job has caused me some undesirable stress, but overall, I feel that it has been invaluable in giving me a peek into the world of design/manufacturing, which I needed in order to be able to do this. Wow, that was a long sentence.

So, no, not sorry to have taken the job a year and a half ago. Also not sorry to be leaving it. Hopefully I can take what I learned and parlay that into success for myself and my family. Needless to say, The Man of the House is fully supportive. He is always fully supportive of my schemes. Isn't he great?

Here are a few pics that a lovely photog took of some of my dresses. I hope to use him (and the awesome makeup artist) for my own line. The photog is Isaac Rush of Krush Photography. The makeup artist is Denise Lyons.

Oh, look Kaytee, its your dress!