Sunday, April 13, 2014

New Paths?

Hey there kids, how's all?
So, I don't write as much lately, and I'm not sure why.  My friend Molly says it's because I wrote what I needed to and satisfied the need and it will return. I'm hoping that's the case.  I have a lot of thoughts and things running about in my head, but nothing has solidified enough for a blog post.

I've been dating a bit since my divorce, which I gotta say, is a bit weird.  The game, as I mentioned, has changed, since the last time I played.  And I'm not very good at this game.

I was seeing a really fantastic guy for a while, before he broke things off.  And I learned a few things about what I need and want in a partner.  This guy raised my standards a rather hefty amount.  I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing.  Good thing, because I expect my standards could do with a raising, and hey, I deserve something great, don't I?  Bad thing because, damn, it's not going to be easy to find someone who appeals to me the way he did.  And who treated me the way he did.   It was awesome, kids.  It's hard to comprehend that that sort of thing is possible.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't true love or anything like that, it didn't last long enough to become anything like that.  But, it was GOOD.  Very, very good.  I hope he and I can remain friends, because the conversation was delish.  And, anyone who knows me knows I thrive on great conversation.

In other news, I am considering a MASSIVE rerouting of my life.  Like getting divorced wasn't enough, right?  Ha.  Let me give you some backstory.

My entire life, I wanted to be a doctor.  I had always planned to be a doctor and when I went to college, I was pre-med.  The classes were challenging, but I had been in advanced science classes all through high school and I loved them and I did well in them.  Same thing when I started college.  I did well in my classes, but as I said, they were challenging and time consuming.  And there were some things going on elsewhere in my life that made it difficult to devote the time and effort required to be a premed student.  And, looking ahead from that vantage point, I knew things were not going to go in a way that would facilitate me doing so many years of school and residency.   So, I changed my major to the only other thing I could think of that I was good at, which was costume design/construction.  And I did well in it and I made some connections and friends that I still maintain and am extraordinarily grateful for.  And, let's be honest, had I remained premed, my life would be COMPLETELY and utterly different.  I'd have never met my ex, never gotten married to him, never had my beautiful daughter.  I cannot imagine not having her.  And I cannot imagine not having the amazing and wonderful friends that I currently have from my school days and after.

Not to mention, had I been in med school or a doctor, I would not have had the opportunity to leave my job and work from home while caring for my darling nephew when he was wee, a necessity created by a car accident my brother was in.  And I would not have been able to be a WAHM to my sweet girl when she was wee, either.  So, all that to say that I do not regret my choice.

But, fast forward to now.  Single mamma, supporting my girl and self on my own on arts pay.  The arts do not pay well, friends.  Not for technicians, anyhow, which is what I am.  I have a good job and I am grateful for it, but yeah...  When I think to the future, and how caring for this lovely girl will only get more expensive as she gets older, I realize that I will not be able to provide for her as I'd like to.  I have been thoroughly blessed with talents that do allow me to do some things for her at little or no cost, but not all the things she will need and some of the things she will want.

So.  Rerouting of my life.  I mean, even more rerouting.  I am seriously considering doing something I have wanted to do since before my girl was born.   I think I want to become a nurse and then a Certified Nurse Midwife.  I know I've mentioned this desire before, but I think I may need to make it a reality.  For the record, a CNM is a midwife who has rights in a hospital and can do nearly everything that an OB/GYN can do.  I'm not specifically thinking of being the sort of midwife who assists homebirths, etc.  That's not really my thing, although it would depend on the practice I ended up in and my clients.

I've had a friend suggest I certify as a doula before I go back to nursing school, just to make sure I really do want to do this, and I think that is probably a good idea.  I have attended a couple of births and I know I do enjoy that.  I think I have the sort of temperament that works well in that sort of situation.  I don't have any issues with seeing blood, etc.  And I'm a good person to have around during a medical problem because I have learned to ask the right questions and remember the answers and I'm pretty empathetic.

Previously mentioned fabulous guy works in a health related field, and he has given me quite a bit of encouragement in that direction, for which I am grateful.  I asked him why he thought I might be good in a nursing field, and he honestly told me what he thought.  And, he's got a good ear to the ground for that sort of thing.

So, anyway, there it is, friends.  I'm scared as hell to take this leap, because it is a huge damn deal. It could backfire gigantically in my face.  But, it could also be very, very good.  It could turn my life around and give me and Small Daughter what we need for a lovely and bright future.  I just hope I'm not too old and therefore too obsolete.


Jennifer said...

I am completely supportive of you forging ahead and pursing this new, yet long desired career. It's a risk, but one that will work out for you, I think. You're incredibly intelligent, extremely hard working, and able to recognize and take career advancing opportunities - those talents and skills will make you successful.
Too old you say? No - the retirement for our generation will be at least 70, and we'll be living until we're well into our 80's, most likely longer. So you've got plenty of time. In fact, NOW is the best time to get started.
It will be hard work, but the knowledge that you're putting your effort into opening up your opportunities for the future will invigorate and motivate you. And, the small one will have as part of her paradigm that one can create and then recreate themselves - and be successful at whatever one chooses.

lillysmum said...

Thank you, Jennifer!!!

Jenna said...

Tara you would be a fabulous nurse/certified midwife. And it is never too late. My husband had quite a few classmates in dental school that were in their late thirties and forties, wanting to change their life. There was even an amazing mom in his dental class that had raised her children and was now wanting to do something for herself - it was so cool to see her graduate! You are smart and talented and would be awesome in the medical field. Good for you if you decide that is the best path :)