Sunday, September 28, 2014

It's my life

I'm 40 years old.  I'm divorced. I make a good life for my daughter and myself, even if it isn't the life I had intended it to be.  I've evolved over the years, becoming less conservative and more of a feminist.  I've realized that things I thought were black and white, aren't.  That there are shades of grey in life and even in the best people and institutions.  I've learned that good intentions aren't sufficient.  I've learned that it's really ok, and in fact it's GOOD to question.  I've learned that the best thing to do is not worry about the other people's sins, but just to love them.  I've learned that I don't like bigotry or sexism, and I've learned that many people don't want to acknowledge that these things exist. I've learned that if someone's actions don't cause harm, they are none of my business.  I've learned that people have some crazy ideas about what harm is.  Or isn't.

And here's the thing I'm still trying to learn.  I only need to let those people that I want in my life.  I am under no obligation to allow damaging people to be involved with me, whether they are damaging by intent or otherwise. And so, I am going to clean out my life.  If your views are denigrating to mine, you're out.  If you open conversation with me and then refuse to listen, you're out.  If you feel the need to pat me on my silly woman's head for having issues with the patriarchy, you're out.  If you want to tell me that sexism and bigotry and classism don't really exist anymore and it's just me falling prey to the lefty agenda, you're out.

If you don't want to follow the path I'm on, that is absolutely ok with me.  You choose your own path, but stop trying to drag me off of mine. Stop trying to convince me that I'm ill informed.  If you know me at all, you know that's false.  Stop trying to convince me that it's because I don't have enough faith.  What I don't have is blind obedience, but then, I'm not supposed to.

If you don't care for me the way I fundamentally am?  GO AWAY.  I've no intention of changing. I've arrived at this person that I am with a lot of effort, a lot of education, a lot of chasing knowledge and a lot of eye opening experiences.  I've still got a lot to learn, I acknowledge this.  I still have a lot of work to do, I'm aware.  But I really like who I've become and if you don't, I don't want you around me.

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