I turned 34 today. Very strange. I remember being a teenager and thinking 34 was quite old. To be sure. When my mom was 34, I was 12. Now I am 34 and Lilly is...17 months. Bit of a difference there. I don't feel 34 and I don't feel old. But I do feel a bit introspective, so here we go.
Back in the day (high school) I was very ambitious as far as my career goes. For as long I as I can remember I wanted to be a doctor. By my sophomore year I knew the specialty I wanted to study, neonatology. I was fascinated by science, especially biology, and tolerably good at math. I wanted to go to BYU, although I applied to and was accepted at a few top tier schools, I wasn't good enough for a scholarship at any but BYU. My final year of high school was, well, we'll call it unpleasant and leave it at that. High school wasn't unpleasant, but everything else was.
By the time I got to college, I was tired. Tired of taking care of things it wasn't my job to take care of, but which seemed to land square in my lap. I got my first semester schedule, loaded with science classes and sighed. This is what I wanted, right? I made it through the first semester, then looked ahead to the twelve long years that would be required for me to actually be a neonatologist. And I gave up. I switched to fashion design, then to costume design, had a fabulous time in college and graduated in 3 years with a good job waiting for me. I had big plans. I would be a famous costume designer. Or better yet, a famous makeup artist. Or even better yet, I could make a career out of a side job I had had since high school. I would be a wedding gown designer. The next Vera Wang. I worked towards it, built up a pretty good name for myself, had ads in local bridal magazines. A few years later, I got married, to a wonderful guy who fully supported me in my career ambitions.
And then, a number of years later, I created my masterpiece. As I beheld it, all of my ambition to be Vera Wang dissipated, melted away. I could create nothing better than this, the pinnacle of my existence. You see, what I had created, was this...
4 comments:
Happy Birthday! Your life sounds like mine. Except I started out in computer science. Then I found lighting design. I had dreams of going to Carnegie Mellon in lighting design and being the next Broadway designer. Then I had Clara...and then Collin. At least we both get to be moms and still dabble in what we love.
You're going to make me cry, Tara! That was yet another truly great post... Happy Birthday!!!!!!! Mine's right around the corner and I soooo know what you mean about not feeling old. Its something I plan to feel like my whole life. :) Love you!
Tara you are so amazing!!! I hope your birthday was good. Sorry I didn't know. I guess I'm gunna have to get an updated calender. I think you should publish your writings...You have such a knack for the written word.
You are such a great writer, I never knew that about you until I started reading your posts!
What a crappy sister-in-law I am...I can't believe I forgot your birthday this year! I have remembered it in past years but when I looked at my calendar you were no where to be found; I don't know why I didn't have you on there. This is what happens when you turn "37," you go to heck in a handbasket! Please forgive me and know that I hope all your wishes come true!
love ya
Jan'L
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