Saturday, August 17, 2013


It's been a long week.

We are in the famine stage at work right now, there is nothing going on and I basically only show up to get paid.  Dig about, find things that need to be done, that sort of thing.  In a week or two we are going to be absolutely buried with work, which is actually pretty ok with me.  It makes things go faster, the time pass better.   I like to be occupied.  But, it's a lot of work and it is not going to be easy switching between shows, trying to make sure that everything gets done.  I am very good at organizing things (though you wouldn't believe it to look at my house), and I kind of relish making things work smoothly and knowing I had a hand in it.  I am grateful for the fact that there isn't a lot going on right now, though, because I've had to go to the dentist multiple times, I have to take some time off for Small Daughter's school things, etc.  I'm not going to be able to take any time off come September, so I have to take care of things now.

Added to the work boring is, yes, the dentist visits.  I hate the dentist.  Hate.  I have unfortunate teeth anyway, so any visit to the dentist brings pain and high costs.  I have a new dentist, and I really like him, but ugh.  Having people poke around in my mouth, spending so much time numb and or bruised, etc, is not awesome.  Yesterday when I went in, they put me on the nitrous oxide and I don't know how long I was on it for, but I think it was too high.  I was completely gone.  And then I started throwing up.  Fortunately, they hadn't begun working on me yet.  So there I was, flat out, nitrous mask on, unable to open my eyes or do anything really, barfing in the dentist office.  The dental assistant had just come in and I freaked her out good. I managed to turn my head so I didn't barf on myself, but it was all happening in a weird slow motion for me. The dentist came in and the hygienist and they sat me up, got a trash can, removed the nitrous.  Apparently, I was ice cold and white as a sheet, so they covered me with a blanket, etc.  It only took about a minute for me to come round.  I hadn't eaten and I had taken my penicillin on an empty stomach (bad Tara), plus too much laughing gas and BAM.  It was extremely weird feeling, I have to say. The hygienist brought me some crackers and apple slices, all I needed was a juice box to complete it. They went ahead and did my procedure and then I left, but I had to sit in my car for a while afterward before I felt ok to drive home.

One interesting side effect that I have noticed about dental work and pain and too much medication is that it makes me depressed.  I think it is the complete lack of control over things.  I can't make the numbness go away faster.  I can't make my teeth stop being crappy.  I can't make the pain go away any faster.  And I just feel like crap afterward.  I'm a control freak and this sort of thing robs me of my control to a certain extent.  I don't like that at all.  Plus, there's just something about pain that is depressing.   I have a lovely friend who deals with chronic pain.  I don't know how she remains positive, but she does.  She's an amazing woman and when my life seems crappy, I realize if she can find happiness in hers, I can in mine.  I've tried to tell her how wonderful I think she is, but I'm not sure I get it across.  Because, she really is amazing.  In spite of her chronic illness, she is raising three beautiful girls who are beautiful spiritually as well as physically.  Yeah, she's awesome.

But, on the positive side, my brother lives 1/2 mile away from me, now.  His little daughter and Small Daughter love to play.  I've spent two evenings over there laughing my head off with brother, his wife and their teenage daughter.  I've discovered a new and very effective way to annoy brother.  All I have to do is join the teenager (she's 16) in fangirling.  She fangirls about One Direction, I fangirl about Benedict Cumberbatch.  It's very effective and drives him crazy.  Much hilarity ensues.  I love all of their kids but the teenager and I are particularly good friends.  I'm very happy they moved back.  I've been a bit lonely lately.


Janelle Southern said...

Glad I'm finally catching up on blogs tonight ;)
I was going to comment already to second your complaints about the dentist. I HATE going to the dentist and have wretched teeth as well. In fact, Hubs is making me go because I lost a filling between my two font teeth (REAL attractive, though smallish and on the back side, so not too noticeable), a big chunk of one of my back molars just fell off... a couple of months ago. And one of my canines lost a chunk too. It looks awesome. I've learned to just never show my teeth. Unfortunately he made me laugh the other day and he saw the busted canine, then waterboarded the other intel out of me. Okay, not really... but nearly. And I'm pretty sure the lower right side canine is pretty busted up as well. I'm waiting because I have to get approval from my pain management doc for the new anxiety med prescribed by my normal doc (since apparently my old anxiety med in combination with new meds was likely to kill me. Shame.) Hubs promised that if I make the appointments with the dentist, though, he will take a day off work, drug me up (once the meds are approved) and cart me there and back. Mostly I feel so guilty about the insane expense of keeping me alive that I hated to admit that I needed more money flushed down the drain. Just give me some decent dentures and let's forget about the dentist. ;)

And also -- thank you. Really. I was really struggling lately and within a few days I had several different people talk to me about my ridiculous life and how it has affected them. It is amazing how no matter how small or insignificant you may ever feel, you can have meant something to people you never would have guessed. That's for you, Tara. YOU are making a difference for people around you too. You are incredibly strong and have a sweet girl who adores you. And you're working through all sorts of crap to focus on her. That makes a WORLD of a difference. *hearts and smiles and butterflies. and chocolate.*

lillysmum said...

Thank you, Janelle! Just...thank you.