Thursday, August 8, 2013

Working hard or hardly working?

So, this being a working mum thing is not super awesome.  Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful to have a job I mostly enjoy that has health benefits.  I know those are hard to come by these days.  But, having been a (mostly) WAHM for the past 9 years, this full time work, long commute gig is hard.  And yes, I know Small Daughter is only 6.  Previous to her, I had my wee nephew full time at home while I worked.

Now, please understand, while I am lazy in many ways, I do enjoy working.  I enjoy the challenges that come in my line of work,  I enjoy creating things and I enjoy getting paid for it.  But, I also enjoy being home with my daughter, seeing how she grows and changes, letting her sit in my lap while I sew, or watch her copy me by draping dresses on her child size mannequin.  I enjoy her chatter, I like to know what she is doing and how she likes to do it.  And, you know what?  Those things are hard to accomplish when I leave for work at 7:30 am before she is even awake and I get home at 6 or later.  That doesn't leave much time for interacting with her, especially when I still have to take care of dinner and attempt to tidy up the house, maybe do some laundry.

This is the first summer that I have had to work full time away from home and I feel like I missed it.  We didn't do ANYTHING.  We didn't make it to the waterpark, didn't go on any trips, only went to the pool a few times.  It's disappointing and, of course, makes me feel like I am not the best mother that ever lived. 

There are too many things to worry about when one has to work full time.  Where do I put her in daycare?  If I put her in daycare, will that change where she has to go to school?  How do I choose the right school and will they even let me put her in said school?  Am I making enough money to pay for daycare?  If I have a family member care for her, will it cost any less and will I be overburdening them? 

I think it is probably a bit easier if one is making a decent amount of money at one's job.  It makes it a bit easier to choose a school, one can put the child in a good private school.  One can be more discerning when choosing daycare.  One doesn't have to worry so much about taking a day off here and there to take care of said child because, well, vacation, sick days and less of a need for that day's paycheck.

The thing is, I make an ok amount.  There are a lot of people who have to survive on less, and I honestly don't know how they do it.  Well, I expect they experience a lot of stress.  I experience a lot of stress just thinking about it.

Truth be told, I'm probably fussing about nothing.  I want what I want.  Which is to make enough money working part time to support my daughter decently, so that I also have time to, you know, RAISE her, myself.  She's my daughter, I want to be the one to help her grow up.

1 comment:

lala said...

I hear ya sister.