It has been a hell of a week. I got dropped by one of my closest friends, my house is an unmitigated disaster, I had my wisdom teeth out and then got told by my live in nephew that he is embarrassed by my house. Oh, not to mention the fact that Small Daughter has brought to my attention how skinny she is compared to how chubby I am. (I try not to react, I don't want her thinking one is better than the other, even though I want to be thinner) At the moment, I kind of feel like I don't know which way is up. I don't know where Small Daughter will be going to school. I don't know how I am going to manage to get everything done that will need to be done at work, as well as find time to keep my house clean, make meals and take care of the most important thing in my life, which is the Small Daughter.
I know I shouldn't complain. Everyone's life is busy, everyone has their certain trials, and heaven knows, I'd rather have mine than others. But, since I no longer have someone to vent to on a regular basis (goodness, I was spoiled) I'm going to vent here. The beauty of venting on my blog is that the reader can stop reading at any time. Unlike venting to a person, who, if they are kind, don't usually cut me off mid vent. I feel that I am probably overwhelming sometimes with my venting, my talking, my opinions. Because there is a lot of all of it.
I think my biggest issue is the feeling that I have lost control of my life. My house is out of control and messy. I have no control over the schedule at work, although I have to make sure things get done in time, I have lost control of my physical self and gotten heavier than I have ever been before. I need control. I am a bit of a control freak, I admit it. But, I am SO very tired that sometimes I feel like trying to wrest control of my life back from the chaos might take more effort than I can expend. On the other hand, if I DON'T regain control of my life, I will continue to feel exhausted and it will probably get worse.
So, I don't know. I guess I just need to suck it up, push through, get things back together the way they should be and hope for the best, right? A life of chaos isn't much of a life, anyway.
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1 comment:
I hear ya. Totally different reasons, but I've fought through a lot of these same things. It sucks. And feeling totally out of control where life is happening at you is entirely overwhelming. I've felt the slightest bit better. Not that my situation is any better, really, just that I felt I had more means to control, in my case, pain. Now it's back-sliding again. I know I don't know what you're living, but I do understand feeling disconnected and beat-upon. *mushy hugs and stuff* *fist bump because we're both fighting battles*
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